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Flourishing Sexually after Orthodox Religious Upbringings

November 1, 2019


Through the process of working with the thousands of individuals and couples who have come to me for help with their sexuality, it has become clear to me that many of the people that reach out have a background from conservative religious backgrounds that affected their sexual development in rigid, misinformed and shaming ways. These people are dealing with 

  1. intense, immense and internalized sexual shame

  2. sex-negative educational foundations

  3. inappropriate meaning ruts 

  4. inappropriate self or partner blame

  5. and developmental stunting in their ability to enjoy the potential, joy and health that sex-positive relational sexuality has to offer

As a result they are often sad, depressed and hopeless about their sex life and either have high amount of marital conflict or avoidance on the topic. 


Further Influential Facts:

  1. 35% of Americans no longer affiliate with a religion. 

  2. Even those who do affiliate, hold more progressive and flexible doctrinal views than in the past. Meaning they are open to reinterpretations of their values and doctrinal beliefs. 

  3. Most who come from religious backgrounds think sex should wait until marriage... and yet most have not lived up to that religiously imposed standard. 

  4. Those who are religiously affiliated or come from religious backgrounds are at much higher risk of being treated for sexual/relational issues that are not backed by science (sex/porn addiction, love addiction, kink/fetishes, supposed attachment disorders because of sexual fantasies/desires). 

  5. We know that those affected by what is called “purity culture” suffer from feelings of fear, shame and anxiety in relationship to sex. This can result in everything from poor marital sexual satisfaction to full blown sexual disorders such as vaginismus, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. 

  6. Did you know that there is an actual working, clinical definition of sexual shame… and I can guarantee you that many of us would definitely resonate with a lot of what’s in those few paragraphs.

  7. Your government continues to pay for sexual education which has been influenced by religious factors… whether your’e religious or not… meaning that you have never received comprehensive, sex-positive education… and that’s what you are currently functioning under.