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February 14, 2020

 “Is my partner there for me?” We all want to be able to answer, “Yes.”

The following suggestions are rooted in understanding our physiological responses to connection and attachment.  The truth is, we are mammals, we have hormones that make us feel good or bad in respo...

June 7, 2019


One of the big reasons we practice fire drills is because one of our normal human responses to loud noises is to freeze. This response is adaptive in some contexts, but if the loud noise is trying to tell you to get out because there is a fire -- freezing can be deadl...

April 12, 2019

In his influential book Nonviolent  Communication, Marshall Rosenberg proposes that  most communication is about getting our core needs met, specifically, our need for connection. (Something like 70% of human communication is in some way about relationships).  Solid he...

March 15, 2019

“What can I do to help?”

I often feel like a deer in the headlights. I know my life is crumbling around me, but when people ask, “how can I help” I genuinely don’t know what to say.  Maybe I hate feeling like a burden, maybe the first idea I think of seems too imposing,...

December 31, 2018

Sleep is *essential* to good mental health.  I’d like to highlight the word essential here. We all know this on some level, we’ve heard about how important sleep is, but we don’t necessarily prioritize our sleep. There is literally no way to overemphasize the essential...

November 20, 2018

It’s perfectly normal to feel confused when trying to decide if your partner’s behavior is abusive or controlling.  Our brains are wired to prioritize connection to our loved ones, so it’s actually healthy in most relationships to overlook some bad behaviors (just as w...

October 6, 2018

When mixed-faith couples come to me and we start digging into the issues that often come up in their marriage, one of the themes that shows up over and over again is the question of “choice." Did the partner who is experiencing doubt choose to doubt?  And what does thi...

August 29, 2018

Understanding our anger can help us accept and validate our emotions without being reactive to them in ways that are not in line with our goals and values.  Choose a few of these questions or activities for journaling and/or meditation.

What do you imagine will happen i...

July 11, 2018

If you are wrestling with suicidal thoughts or feeling overwhelmed by hopelessness and pain, I am glad you are here reading this. I’m not here to tell you to just “choose the sunny side." I know how frustrating it is when folks have tried to talk me out of my negative...