Rewiring Requires Practice

One question I get a lot in my Sex Therapy practice is "how do I go about changing these things that bother me?" Maybe it's unwanted thoughts that interrupt your flow when you're in the middle of love making. Maybe it's unwanted stereotypes or messaging you no longer want influencing you. Maybe it's letting go of shame and negative dialogue. Maybe it's becoming more comfortable with certain sexual acts or thoughts you want to enjoy. Maybe it's overcoming triggers from sexual trauma. Regardless of what we want to see change, intellectual information is only the first step. It's a good step. Informing and educating ourselves, gathering trusted resources, shifting cognitions and biases... these

Reconsidering Integrity

Integrity is a value, not a competition. Integrity is allowed to be practiced differently without it losing its significance and importance. How you live into your integrity is a deeply personal choice and one that is informed by your lived experience and the other values you view as meaningful. I work with clients on both sides of faith transitions. Clients that have left the faith of their family culture often feel misjudged, and the clients that remain close to the faith they love can simultaneously feel left behind and misjudged. Often, there can be a feeling that one person's choice in leaving or remaining in a faith tradition demonstrates MORE integrity. Yet, what I know to be true is

4 Fantasies That Can Lead to Marital Dissatisfaction in Mixed Faith Marriages (And All the Other One

Americans in general and Latter-day Saints in particular hold some cultural ideas about marriage that tend to leave most of us, at some point, with the feeling that somehow we are falling short or that there is something really wrong with our relationship (thanks, Disney). Add to that our social media culture and our LDS Sunday culture where we tend to see filtered, polished presentations of others and the stage is set for fantasies about life and marriage to abound. The truth of life is far less polished and sexy. The truth is that all marriages have one thing in common – all who enter into this blessed union happen to be humans in all of their flawed glory. Rather than expecting our lives

Crisis can bring growth and change

Most of us at one time or another will go through some type of crisis. A crisis usually includes some type of loss and, depending on the circumstances, will often challenge our sense of safety in the world. It's as if the ground is crumbling beneath us, and we do not know what to do. As we desperately try to hang on, we feel our fingers slipping as we white knuckle our way through the crisis. Sometimes everything we have worked for appears to be disappearing right before our eyes. Crises come in many forms. They can be acute, or chronic. A crisis can mean the loss of employment, with the domino effect leading to the loss of one’s home, and general feeling of stability. It can be the loss of

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