Tips for Mixed-Faith Marriages: Consider Anger Management Part 2

Continued points from last week's post (Part 1): 8. Like all feelings, anger can lie to you. Like I mentioned in the previous post, confirmation bias is a thing. And it doesn’t matter how smart or “rational” you think you are… you’re affected by it. Most of us think we are making “rational” decisions… hugely underestimating the effect emotions have on our choices. This is true of believers and non-believers. We are all primarily emotional creatures. And although critical thinking is hopefully a part of it, it is never the entirety of our experience. See “the Righteous Mind” if you’re interested in more reading about this. I also did a great podcast with Lisa Butterworth on cognitive dissonan

Tips for Mixed-Faith Marriages: Consider Anger Management Part 1

The fourth tip I offer is: Consider anger management and watching for displaced anger. What and how? 1. We all have a right to the feeling of anger. Anger after all is only a feeling… and a secondary feeling at that (meaning it’s predecessor is some form of fear or pain/sadness). And remember “Inside Out?” Anger is the cute, little red guy. He’s not that scary, right? (If you haven’t watched that movie… watch it! Great emotional intelligence education.) Like all feelings… anger has a right to exist. And there are justifiable reasons to be angry. Even within the context of Christianity with the “perfect” Jesus, we have the example of righteous anger being wielded in the temple where He has a

Supporting Someone through Infertility

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. Having family and friends who are supportive can make all the difference. Each person who goes through this will have different ways they will want this to look like. Here are a few ideas that family and friends can consider when helping someone deal with this type of struggle. Don't minimize what they are going through. Stating cliches, giving quick advice or saying things like "everything will work out" can feel like you are not taking the issue seriously. Become informed. What a great way to use the internet. You can research and learn about what your love ones are going through and some common things that are hurtful and

Is Faith Transition a Choice?

When mixed-faith couples come to me and we start digging into the issues that often come up in their marriage, one of the themes that shows up over and over again is the question of “choice." Did the partner who is experiencing doubt choose to doubt? And what does this belief about “choice” mean for the future of their marriage? When framing this question I think it is useful to start with the goal in mind. For most of my clients, the goal is to repair the rift that faith changes has created in their relationship, to increase in love and understanding for each other, and to feel connection and intimacy with their partner. The question of “choice” often comes up in the midst of the discomfor

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